Mental Health & Motherhood
Whilst everyone is asking about the baby, who is asking how Mum is?
Motherhood, one of the most amazing, joyous and beautiful experiences you may ever go through, but also one of the most conflicting, confusing, overwhelming and downright difficult things you will ever do.
To only acknowledge the #blessed parts of Motherhood does a huge disservice to women entering their Matrescence – the transition or journey into Motherhood, the shift from maiden to mother, and the complex psychological, physical, mental, emotional, financial, social and personal changes that happen during this life stage.
To prepare, support, hold and nurture Mums, we need to have open, honest and vulnerable conversations about the WHOLE experience, the good, the bad and the in between bits. The this is the best thing that has ever happened to me days, and the I don’t know what day, week or month it is days. The I have never loved anything this much days and the I don’t think I am cut out for this days. The I always wanted to be Mum days and the I don’t know why I signed up to this days. The Motherhood makes me a better person days and the I just don’t know who I am anymore days.
I feel like there is a perceived “shadow side” to Motherhood that needs to be brought into the light, or some myths to be busted if you prefer. The parts of Motherhood that we have been taught to believe are too taboo, have too much negative stigma attached to them or are too unpleasant to talk about. The things we might be judged for, the things we judge ourselves for, the things we cannot say for fear of seeming ungrateful for the miracle we have been blessed to receive.
Everyone’s story will be different, everyone’s parenting journey will be different, everyone’s struggles will be different and the road to Motherhood can be one of pain and grief for many people which I do not want to discount or diminish any way. The point I hope to get across is that no matter how you get there, Motherhood is difficult and it is ok and normal to find it difficult.
So let’s get real – Motherhood is messy, Motherhood is chaotic , Motherhood will challenge and change you in ways you could not imagine possible and push buttons you didn’t realise you had.
When a newborn arrives, so too does a new Mum and metaphorically (sometimes!) she is as butt naked, unsure, screaming (or at least wanting to on the inside) unsettled, new to the world and in need of tenderness, love, kindness and nurturing while she figures it out, just like her new babe.
It is quite common that the expectations many women have of Motherhood, are vastly different to the reality they end up with, which is why it is essential that the needs of new Mums (from the early days until forever really, because post partum is forever!) are prioritised too. Facing the challenges of Motherhood alone can be isolating, confusing, distressing and leave women questioning themselves or believing they aren’t doing a good enough job, when its the society that we live in and the expectations placed on us to have everything figured out on our own and not talk about the hard parts that is failing us as Mothers!
Mother : the do-er of all the things for all the people in her family, but who is looking after, supporting and nurturing the woman within the Mum doing all the things for everyone?
Seeing a mental health professional to check on the emotional and mental state of new Mums should be as common place as your 6 week post birth GP check up!
Why see a mental health professional in your postpartum?
to ensure you get the support, safety, nourishment and care you need.
to have a safe, non judgemental space to be raw, honest and vulnerable about how you are feeling on the good, bad and in between days.
to develop coping strategies and self care practises to look after yourself during this period of your life.
to work out how to manage Mum guilt
to decide how Motherhood is going to look, feel and work for you
to access services, information, resources needed to thrive in this stage of life
to be aware of symptoms of perinatal anxiety and depression and when and where to get support
Did you know that approximately…..
– 1 in every 10 women will experience perinatal depression during pregnancy?
– 1 in every 7 women will experience depression during the post natal period?
– 1 in every 5 women will experience anxiety in the first 6 to 8 months post birth?
COPE – Centre for Perinatal Excellence
Why women do not seek help
The likelihood of someone you know and love in your circle having an experience with perinatal depression or anxiety is so so so high.
However studies have shown that for a multitude of reasons almost 75% of women with perinatal Depression and anxiety in Australia wait to seek help until they are at absolute breaking point and no longer able to cope.
Common reasons include :
not knowing the signs and symptoms
not knowing where to get support
fear of being judged
not wanting to be considered weak
not wanting to be seen as not a good enough mum
not wanting to be seen as a failure
tell themselves it’s all just a normal part of being a mum so to quietly carry on
shame, fear, denial, guilt
This is a cycle we can all do our part in to change – by normalising how beautiful yet intensely difficult Motherhood can be and that it’s a period of life where we all need to lean on whatever support systems work for us, no one has to face Motherhood alone.
Counselling can be a wonderful resource for new Mums, if you are interested in learning more about Kate Landete Counselling services please reach out.
If you are need of more urgent support please contact –
PANDA national hotline – 1300 726 306 – Mon to Fri 9am to 730pm
Gidget Foundation – 1300 851 758 – Office Hours
Lifeline – 13 11 14 – 24 hours/ 7 days
